September, 2009

We achieve inner health only through forgiveness
- the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves

I don’t know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what
I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very
important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because
if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable.

But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself
and say, ‘well, if I’d known better I’d have done better,’ that’s all. So
you say to people who you think you may have injured, ‘I’m sorry,’
and then you say to yourself, ‘I’m sorry.’ If we all hold on to the
mistake, we can’t see our own glory in the mirror because we have
the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can’t see what
we’re capable of being.

You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real
forgiveness is in one’s own self. I think that young men and women
are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you.
When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too
black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or
too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that.

The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.

Being hooked on faults with yourself.
It’s addiction.

How you want to hold on, how you want to get in bed and put the covers
over your head. Seeing all of that just increases your compassion for the
human situation. We’re all up against not finding ourselves perfect, and still
wanting to be open and be there for others.

My friends and teachers have always been the wild ones and I love them.
I’m bored with the good ones. Not exactly bored, but they don’t stop my mind.

All situations are workable.
That’s the nature of reality - it’s workable.

The very thing that causes us to harden and our suffering to intensify
can soften us and make us more decent and kinder people.

I remember the day I really got it that we’re not
connected as human beings because of our
perfection, but because of our flaws.

That was such a relief.

Hittar en lista jag gjorde i byn i norr en gång:

“Saker man pratar om här:
Vildkatta
Räven
Sixten (har han pyntat sin gran själv?)
Takida (bara första plattan)
Om det är nog köttbullssås
Hostmedicin
Korsord
Chevy Chase
Kriminalromaner man redan läst
Kalk i vattnet
Snaps
Hänt extra - tidningen
Vars vildkatta är nu
Akta så inte Räven tar “lillpuppe”

Klart karln måste bli grym på ord när han hade så mycket annat emot sig. Googla killen och det dyker upp en målning där han sitter förgrymmad över att en kvinna (också med på bilden) skrattar åt honom och hans kärleksförklaring. En tavla! Så känt var det alltså hur framgångsrik han var av att hitta något på riktigt… Nu ska ni få några utdrag här från tre olika brev av Pope:

Brev 1 till en av systrarna Blount, Martha. 1714:

“Most Divine,
It is some proof of my sincerity towards you, that I write when I am prepared by drinking to speak truth; and sure a letter after twelve at night must abound with that noble ingredient. That heart must have abundance of flames, which is at once warmed by wine and you: wine awakens and expresses the lurking passion of the mind, as varnish does the colours that are sunk in a picture, and brings them out in all their natural glowing. My good qualities have been so frozen and locked up in a dull constitution at all my former sober hours, that is is very astonishing to me, now I am drunk, to find so much virtue in me.” osv osv…

Brev 2 till andra systern Blount, Teresa. 1716:

“Madam,
- I have so much esteem for you, and so much of the other thing, that, were I a handsome fellow, I should do you a vast deal of good: but as it is, all I am good for, is to write a civil letter, or to make a fine speech. The truth is, that considering how often and openly I have declared love to you, I am astonished (and a little affronted) that you have not forbid my correspondence, and directly said, See my face no more! …” “I am vain enough to conclude that (like most young fellows) a fine lady’s silence is consent, and so I write on” …

Brev 3 till Mary Wortley Montagu. 1717:

“There is not a day in which your figure does not appear before me; your conversations return to my thoughts, and every scene, place or occasion where I have enjoyed them, are as livelily painted as an imagination equally warm and tender can be capable to represent them.
You tell me, the pleasure of being nearer the sun has a great effect upon your health and spirits. You have turned my affected so far eastward that I could almost be one of his worshippers: for I think the sun has more reason to be proud of rising your spirits, than of raising all the plants, and ripening all the minerals in earth.” … “Tell me that your very dog (if you have one) is well. Defraud me of no one thing that pleases you, for whatever that is, it will please me better than anything else can do. I am always yours.”

***

Alexander Pope, 21 maj 1688 -30 maj 1744. Han översatte Iliaden och Odysséen till engelska. Han var sjuklig som barn, något som hämmade hans tillväxt och ledde till att han aldrig blev längre än 137 cm. Han var nära vän med sir Isaac Newton.

“This later painting by William Powell Frith depicts the moment after Alexander Pope declared his ardent love to Lady Mary. She has burst into a fit of laugher. He sits in pain, his pride hurt. William Powell Frith, Pope makes love to Lady Mary Montagu, 1852. Print from oil on canvas original at Auckland City Art Gallery.”

“Detta kommer att se ut som världens jävla kärleksbrev från något litet fan i en skithåla på hisingen i Göteborg. Men jag vill bara att du ska veta att du har betytt otroligt mycket för min fotografi. Innan kunde jag kolla din blogg hela tiden, kolla dina bilder ständigt - men jag slutar alltid med sådant, slutar alltid med mina favoritvanor jag kan hålla på med 50 gånger om dagen. Imorse insåg jag hur mycket jag saknar din fotografi, saknar dina åsikter om foto. Jag omringas endast av personer som anser att utrustningen är otroligt viktig, som kan lägga ned flera tusen på optik, som har alla pengar i världen.

Kommer ihåg när du citerade en fotograf som skrev att man endast ska ha ett objektiv när man är ute och fotar. Jag har iofs 3 objektiv, men jag bestämde mig för att köpa ett billigt 50mm och endast fotografera med det. Folk tjatar om att man ska ha större bländare, att min kamera är liten, de tjatar om att man ständigt ska köpa ny optik bla bla bla.

Du är världens bästa fotograf, och det får du aldrig glömma. Du förtjänar mer än vad du får.

Du förtjänar sponsring, du förtjänar massa pengar för dina bilder. Jag är bara glad över att du fortsätter med foto istället för att bli någon tråkig människa som bara tjänar mycket. Det inspirerar mig väldigt mycket.

Fortsätt som du gör, jag känner på mig att du kommer att bli något stort.”